Fuck the Mission

callie brick wall.jpg

One of the most challenging parts of my Dark Night of the Soul was KNOWING deep down that I was here on this planet for something BIG. Like something SOOOOO FUCKING BIG. 

Yet there was one problem.

I wasn’t doing jackshit.

I found myself having ZERO energy and ZERO motivation to do anything.

What the fuck was wrong with me???

The more I tried to create something, the worse I felt.

I felt I was going around in loops.
I felt exhausted.
I felt so alone.

The more I saw other people on social media actually doing something with their lives, the worse I felt.

How come everyone else seems to be aligned to their soul’s mission & here I am crying in bed all day?

Some people were telling me to just snap out of it, choose my highest frequency, and follow my highest excitement.

I couldn’t fucking do that. FUCK YOU with your empowerment, I wanted to scream. Empowerment felt like way too much fucking effort.

Others were telling me: “Oh but Callie, you have changed so many people’s lives! You are so inspiring! You make so many people laugh with your videos. Your dances light people up. You have taught and changed so many people’s lives around the world!”

I felt none of this mattered.
I felt no one understood me.
I felt so broken & hopeless.

Why did I have to have this fucking KNOWING that I was here for an even BIGGER mission???
Why couldn’t I just be normal, and be happy with the lives I had already touched?

I tried to ignore this inner calling… 
I tried to ignore this mission...
I tried to have normal relationships, a normal life… 

Yet all this did was left me more & more empty inside.

Not sure if anyone out there can relate to any of this… but if yes… I fucking feel you. And it sucks.

Now being on the other side…. I can tell you there IS a way out of this.

Finding ZERO fulfillment in this external world was the BIGGEST fucking gift I have ever received.

It fucking hurt like hell & I wouldn’t want to wish that pain on anyone… but it forced me to turn even deeper within myself.

Feeling I was here for something big was the bait… a hook to bring me draw me into the Truth of my being.

Hitting rock bottom forced me to pave a NEW way. 

I had to face my worst fears ~ that I would never accomplish what I came here to do. That I would die being a nothing & a nobody.

I had to learn how to feel so deeply. Not from my head, but from the depths of my heart.

I learned how to empty out.

Empty out so much so that all that was left was this peaceful silence.

Soaking in the simplicity of the presence of my existence.

This deep knowing that just merely my existence was enough.

I didn’t have to create anything. 
I didn’t have to do anything. 

There was no mission I had to be on.

Resting in this deep silence. This deep peace.

All the answers were there. They’ve always been there. There were finally no more questions.

From this space there is a Faith my body will move wherever it needs to. 

Such freedom.

There is no mission.
There is no need.
There is no lack.

I have never felt so whole. So complete. So at peace.

It is possible for you as well.



JOIN US in our Free Facebook group -Awakening from the Dark Night of the Soul - to join in the dialogue: http://bit.ly/2P8cdl2

What I'm learning from starting up Pole Dancing...

Started taking pole dancing here in the Netherlands this week. It’s all in Dutch. I can’t understand a word. I just watch, follow along & pretend I know what I’m doing. 🤣

My third class in, I accidentally walked into an intermediate series ~ where we had to choreograph a routine & perform it in just 45 minutes. 😳

Funny watching the thoughts that popped up. Fuck. I’ve only taken 2 classes and can only remember maybe 3 tricks tops. I can’t understand a word they are saying. My memory is shit. I hate choreographed routines. My legs are so bruised up cuz I’m a newbie. What am I doing here? When I dropped all the thoughts & just went for it, it actually was so fun. Doing tricks that normally take a month or two to learn. Realizing how so much more clicks & flows when I stop trying. Its amazing to watch what happens when the mind isn’t in the way!!!

Was also nice to drop the perfectionist in me who didn’t want to share this ~ who wanted to wait til I got my pole grooves on a bit more. Fuck that too. Share the progression. Share the bruises. Share whatever the hell you want to. It ain’t about others liking or not liking it.

I found a pole in the monastery I’m living at in Bussum. SCORE. I wonder if the nuns ever gave it a swing around.

#poledancing #letsdothis #justjump

Fuck the Food Nazi

It’s fun to not be so damn strict with myself. I used to be a hard core vegetarian... no gluten, no sugar, no meat, no dairy... then I realized I was such a tight ass.

It’s been such a relief to chill the F out. To empty out from all the bombardment of so many concepts & beliefs around food. To tune in & listen to what my body wants moment to moment. Sometimes I want a burger, sometimes I go vegan, other times I dry fast... for me it’s all about where I’m coming from as I eat.

And of course... sometimes I don’t listen... and normally my body tells me so very soon after 🤢😣💩

All I know is I fucking LOVED & savored every lick of this gelato while I was in Italy!!!! #YUM #fuckthefoodnazi #listen


Awakening from the Dark Night of the Soul


Hina & I just completed our comprehensive 8-week live online program called “Play in the Silence.”

This course was all about learning and applying the only tools you will ever need in order to handle, heal, and release emotions and limiting belief systems that keep you from experiencing your best life, as well as how to live from a place of complete peace and freedom, knowing the truth of who you are and showing up in the world from that space, consistently!

The creation of this course was inspired by the obvious gap we noticed in our spiritual community - everyone learning all the self-help strategies, attending all the retreats and seminars, and watching all the videos but still not feeling any real sense of happiness in their day to day, moment to moment experience of life! So we decided to create a program where we could take people through the healing process step-by-step to create lasting, PERMANENT changes!

And it was a MASSIVE success! The transformations and tremendous breakthroughs experienced by our clients were off the charts AMAZING! And it deeply inspired us to bring this knowledge to the masses in a big way!


We come across SO MANY of you that have this deep knowing that you are here on this planet to do something BIG, yet unable to move through the heaviness that feels like it’s holding you back from showing up how you know you can… always doing your best to apply all the things you’ve learned over the years to support you in moving through tough times, yet not feeling at all satisfied with the results, or lack thereof. We totally get it because we were there! And we know the way out.

But the question is… “Are you ready to finally arrive Home to your Truth?”


We decided to start a free Facebook group: “Awakening from the Dark Night of the Soul.”

JOIN US: https://www.facebook.com/groups/awakenfromthedarknight/

Our intention with this group is to support you in shifting your perspectives around your Dark Night of the Soul so that you can move through this less-than-pleasant phase of your life as swiftly, gently, as with as much fun as possible, and finally reach the other side - where you feel available and ready to step into the world in they ways you’ve always known you could.

We hope you will join us in this group if you’re experiencing anything less than STOKED all the time. We are here to assist you!

We feel so humbled and honored to share this group and this space with all of you. Please share the link with friends & people you meet along the way that would benefit from this container.

We love you,

Hina & Callie

What others are saying:

“Looking back to my almost 30 years of seeking, I really feel this course has been the most effective one. No bullshit at all, every word said being relevant and essential, in the exact way I needed it. I feel that the two of you being so close and real to us, not some far away old gurus, was the cause of everything being so extremely relevant and clear. 

Now I really feel I don't need anything anymore, no seeking, no courses, no reading even, everything is here, is clear. I only need to practice. And this is the only thing I wish to spend time with. And to watch the amazing process of becoming!”
~ Magda G.

“This should be called the “No Bullshit Deep Dive!
It has provided me with so much clarity and helped me to cut through so much of the confusion of my spiritual path. Hina and Callie offer simple and effective tools which can be applied to anything and everything you may experience in your life.

I highly recommend this course to anybody who wishes to understand themselves and their life more deeply. Whether you want to dive into self realisation or just learn to live a happier and more fulfilling life, you will not regret exploring everything this course has to offer.”
~ Gary S.

“For anyone concerned about “spiritual bypassing”, this course can be a great adjunct and possibly a corrective to your chosen spiritual path.

Hina and Callie give very clear, beautifully articulated guidance on fully recognizing, accepting and releasing emotions while being guided by presence.

I was moved by the sharing of their experiences, which gave us all a great example of vulnerability, fearlessness and determination.”

~ Kathy K.

JOIN US: https://www.facebook.com/groups/awakenfromthedarknight/