Dark Night

From Crashing Down to Change

It’s funny how we humans work.

It’s almost like we are programed to do the exact OPPOSITE of what we really want. And what could be the path of least resistance is the very thing we are using all of our energy to PUSH AWAY!!!

It’s funny how we humans are STILL running this SURVIVAL mode… even though most of the lions, tigers & bears are behind safe bars at our local zoo.

We strive to be so safe that we have created COMFORT all around us to ensure that we will NOT DIE or get hurt. 

We have our safe routines. We have our safe friends. We have our safe hobbies. We have our safe conversations. We have our safe hiding places. 

Our brains are literally still WIRED to stay alive… to survive. We know all of the right knee pads, elbow pads, and helmets to wear when we venture out into that wild wild world.

Yet do we truly deep down realize how NOT OK WE ARE WITH OUR LIVES?!?!?!?!

We get so comfortable with our day to day routines & the daily grind… that it is SOOOOOO easy to get tunnel vision and miss out on the BIGGER VISION and deeper desires that are in our hearts waiting to come out!!!

Just last week, my whole life in any other human’s terms came CRASHING DOWN.

I had spent the past year building up this super cushy safe life… or so I thought.

I found a business partner who felt the same. We became best buds, moved in together. We had HUGE GOALS and visions of creating this high ticket online program that could change so many people’s lives. We were even able to live out of her parents’ mansion so we could focus on launching the program that would promise us financial FREEDOM!!!

Welllllll…. I did not expect to wake up one morning last week and LOSE it all.

  1. My home

  2. My business partner / friend

  3. The project I had spend the last year building

  4. All hopes and dreams of that elusive financial freedom


YUP. In one moment it all came crashing down.

The details aren’t important. All that matters is that IT HAPPENED.

And that so called COMFORT was ripped out from under me.

I was left without any knee pads, elbow pads or helmets… scarred, bloody & bruised… as my ass was kicked to the curb. 

I had NO IDEA where to go, where to stay, or what the hell to do with my life. Not to mention the money in my savings account that had been quickly dwindling.

I could have cried for hours and days and weeks and months and years about how I lost it all. I could have spent eons pondering what I did wrong. “Only if…”  “I should have…” “Look at all the red flags I ignored…”

Instead… I gave myself permission to MOVE FORWARD. I anchored into the KNOWING that all is happening for the BEST. There was some bigger picture that I could not see… YET.

I remembered all the past times in my life that were similar to this ~ where it seemed like my life was falling apart. 

Like the time when I was in the Peace Corps in Africa, and had received the news that I had the beginning stages of cancer. Yet, instead of it being the end of my life, I learned how to heal myself through meditation & opening up to this whole new world within!!! It definitely was not the END but a brand new BEGINNING.

Remembering all these past “catastrophic” experiences in my own life, helped me to really anchor into:

EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAS WORKED OUT FOR THE BEST…. even when everything seems to be going so so so wrong.

And it seemed that the more extreme it was… or the more that I, in my little mind thought… THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER… normally turned into “HOLY SH&*!!!! THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED!!!!!”

So I knew deep down… there was something EVEN MORE AMAZING around the corner.


CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE.

SHAKING THINGS UP.

RADICAL HONESTY.

Now when I look back to that moment last week where I thought my entire life was taken away from me… where it could have been easy to feel like a victim and point fingers of blame…

When I got REALLY REALLY RADICALLY HONEST…. underneath all the shock, pain, hurt, and shame... I realized that I actually DID NOT WANT any of that life!!!

I had actually CREATED this to happen.

I did not want to be working with that business partner.

I did not want to be living out of her parent’s house.

I did not want to be creating that online program around that topic.

I only THOUGHT that I did. 

It was “easy”

It was “comfortable”

It was what was “right in front of me”

I was pretending that I was having fun & enjoying myself.

And yeah… a part of me was enjoying it, otherwise it wouldn’t have happened. It WAS perfect for me at that time. I learned SOOOOOO much. So much about what I don’t want. So much about what I don’t want to settle for in my life. So much about diving deeper into my own heart & trusting myself.

It’s like almost any breakup.

You forget sometimes how much you lose yourself.

I had lost my ZEST for life.

I had lost my FUN WILD side.

I had lost my ongoing sharings with people that used to bring me ALIVE.

I had stopped DANCING.

I had started accepting OK as my standard.

I had lost that deep connection with my own Self.


Sometimes we gotta lose everything, in order to realize what we have always had!!!!!

OK…. it was time to SHAKE IT UP.

I allowed myself to cry those tears of mourning & loss… the end of that chapter. I didn’t try to just snap myself out of it. Feeling those tears & that pain to the depth was sooooo important to my process. It truly feels like it was a cleansing & clearing of my old patterns of unworthiness, shame, guilt, loneliness, perfectionism, fear, survival… you name it… I felt it.

From going in and giving myself that SPACE to feel so deeply… I was actually left with SPACE. With this inner space & silence.

There was peace.

From that space I found myself messaging people ~ some of who I hadn’t talked to in ages.

And yeah… to be honest, peace did not prevail 24/7… the mind kept trying to come back in… kicking & screaming… trying to blame and point fingers… trying to spiral me down… Your almost 40 years old… Why the F&*% haven’t you got your life figured out by now?!??! How many times do you have to waste it all away?!?!?

Luckily I have practiced & learned how to distance myself from that crazy mind again & again & again.

I made a pact with myself that I would not move forward from a place of fear & survival. Instead, I would feel these underlying emotions that would rip through… as I would focus again & again on the silent presence that was always there underneath it all.

I packed up my car with my entire life inside of it… and the moment I turned the key in the ignition, unsure of where I was heading next, I received a message.

A dear friend who helped me through some of the darkest of times in my life, had just bought a house in Sacramento, California. She messaged me offering me to move in!

My whole being lit up… and I started to receive glimpses of HOW PERFECT this all was.

Starting at ground zero (yet again) has allowed me to start building my life up again. From scratch.

I’ve started to get RADICALLY HONEST about everything.

Where in my life am I not happy???

What is it that I truly want???

What is truly important to me?

What brings me ALIVE???

What impact do I want to be leaving?

Where am I not being transparent & vulnerably, radically honest with myself???

How can I shift my perspectives???

What can I do now to change???

Who is it that I want to have close to me in my life???


I am seeing how I have not been transparent & honest with myself & with others. Fear for shaking shit up.

Not realizing that SHAKING SHIT UP is the very thing that was needed to bring BOTH of us to exactly where life was bringing us.

Everything is unfolding PERFECTLY.

So my new life in Sacramento has begun.

It’s been one week since I moved.

I found a pole dancing studio & started to dance!

I am finally getting radically honest in my communication & it has been opening up so many new connections and healing for myself.

I am allowing myself to feel deeper than ever before, and using it as a catalyst for my creations.

New collaborations are forming from a whole new place.

A feeling of inspiration of sharing for the sheer joy of sharing is arising.

I am having so much fun creating HUGE visions and innovative programs to create massive impact.

I’ve got nothing to hide.

Who’s ready to break out of their comfort zone… ready to start asking the deeper questions… ready to create CHANGE… ready to break out of their survival mindsets so they can start truly LIVING & creating?!?!? 

Let’s do this…

Home

“Home”

Being a wanderer… 

I was always searching for a Home. 

As I set out on my world travels, I didn’t even know that Home was what I was looking for.

I just knew that the normal life that America presented me with… go to college, get a job, fall in love, get married, have kids… just did NOT make sense to me.

I knew there had to be something more to life than that.

So when my college boyfriend proposed to me… I knew I had to follow this urge within me to pack my bags & leave the “normal” life behind.

For the next 18 years I traveled the world. 

I didn’t believe in “God” or have any concept that there could even be a Home within oneself.

Through life’s amazing ups & downs & unfoldings… it led me closer & closer… so perfectly to this Truth within.

Looking back I can see it was only believing in my own thoughts… these “demons”… the illusion of separation that brought this feeling of pain & suffering.

Yet it was the catalyst for me to surrender deeper into the loneliness that I was so afraid to feel.

Nothing external brought me joy.

Nothing external could soothe this longing that I had.

No mask that I wore, no matter how amazing my life was… nothing brought real lasting peace.

I can see how I was so impatient & wasn’t trusting the perfect unfolding & Divine orchestration of life.

Thinking that I knew a better way. 

Looking back… it was all so perfect. I can see now that I chose it all. Even the darkest of times.

There is finally a relaxing now… a surrendering into the unknown. The silence. 

Mmmmm… “Home.” 


“Just know you are not alone…”
Join us in our Awakening from the Dark Night Facebook group: http://bit.ly/2P8cdl2


I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel to Be Free

“I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel to Be Free” song by Nina Simone

Oh wait… I don’t need to wish.

I don’t need to try. 

I don’t need to seek.

I don’t need to be on this spiritual journey anymore.

Freedom is here now.

Freedom is here the moment I drop all the stories. 

Freedom is here the moment I drop all the thoughts.

Freedom is here the moment I drop the past, the future, and all of the interpretations of this present moment.

Freedom is here the moment I rest into the unchanging peaceful presence that has always been & always will be here.

Freedom is here the moment I rest into the Silence.

Are you ready for the game to be over?

If not… then at least enjoy the damn game. 😉


If you are ready to be done...

Join us in our Awakening from the Dark Night Facebook group: http://bit.ly/2P8cdl2

Fuck the Mission

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One of the most challenging parts of my Dark Night of the Soul was KNOWING deep down that I was here on this planet for something BIG. Like something SOOOOO FUCKING BIG. 

Yet there was one problem.

I wasn’t doing jackshit.

I found myself having ZERO energy and ZERO motivation to do anything.

What the fuck was wrong with me???

The more I tried to create something, the worse I felt.

I felt I was going around in loops.
I felt exhausted.
I felt so alone.

The more I saw other people on social media actually doing something with their lives, the worse I felt.

How come everyone else seems to be aligned to their soul’s mission & here I am crying in bed all day?

Some people were telling me to just snap out of it, choose my highest frequency, and follow my highest excitement.

I couldn’t fucking do that. FUCK YOU with your empowerment, I wanted to scream. Empowerment felt like way too much fucking effort.

Others were telling me: “Oh but Callie, you have changed so many people’s lives! You are so inspiring! You make so many people laugh with your videos. Your dances light people up. You have taught and changed so many people’s lives around the world!”

I felt none of this mattered.
I felt no one understood me.
I felt so broken & hopeless.

Why did I have to have this fucking KNOWING that I was here for an even BIGGER mission???
Why couldn’t I just be normal, and be happy with the lives I had already touched?

I tried to ignore this inner calling… 
I tried to ignore this mission...
I tried to have normal relationships, a normal life… 

Yet all this did was left me more & more empty inside.

Not sure if anyone out there can relate to any of this… but if yes… I fucking feel you. And it sucks.

Now being on the other side…. I can tell you there IS a way out of this.

Finding ZERO fulfillment in this external world was the BIGGEST fucking gift I have ever received.

It fucking hurt like hell & I wouldn’t want to wish that pain on anyone… but it forced me to turn even deeper within myself.

Feeling I was here for something big was the bait… a hook to bring me draw me into the Truth of my being.

Hitting rock bottom forced me to pave a NEW way. 

I had to face my worst fears ~ that I would never accomplish what I came here to do. That I would die being a nothing & a nobody.

I had to learn how to feel so deeply. Not from my head, but from the depths of my heart.

I learned how to empty out.

Empty out so much so that all that was left was this peaceful silence.

Soaking in the simplicity of the presence of my existence.

This deep knowing that just merely my existence was enough.

I didn’t have to create anything. 
I didn’t have to do anything. 

There was no mission I had to be on.

Resting in this deep silence. This deep peace.

All the answers were there. They’ve always been there. There were finally no more questions.

From this space there is a Faith my body will move wherever it needs to. 

Such freedom.

There is no mission.
There is no need.
There is no lack.

I have never felt so whole. So complete. So at peace.

It is possible for you as well.

❤ 

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JOIN US in our Free Facebook group -Awakening from the Dark Night of the Soul - to join in the dialogue: http://bit.ly/2P8cdl2

Awakening from the Dark Night of the Soul

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Hina & I just completed our comprehensive 8-week live online program called “Play in the Silence.”

This course was all about learning and applying the only tools you will ever need in order to handle, heal, and release emotions and limiting belief systems that keep you from experiencing your best life, as well as how to live from a place of complete peace and freedom, knowing the truth of who you are and showing up in the world from that space, consistently!

The creation of this course was inspired by the obvious gap we noticed in our spiritual community - everyone learning all the self-help strategies, attending all the retreats and seminars, and watching all the videos but still not feeling any real sense of happiness in their day to day, moment to moment experience of life! So we decided to create a program where we could take people through the healing process step-by-step to create lasting, PERMANENT changes!

And it was a MASSIVE success! The transformations and tremendous breakthroughs experienced by our clients were off the charts AMAZING! And it deeply inspired us to bring this knowledge to the masses in a big way!

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We come across SO MANY of you that have this deep knowing that you are here on this planet to do something BIG, yet unable to move through the heaviness that feels like it’s holding you back from showing up how you know you can… always doing your best to apply all the things you’ve learned over the years to support you in moving through tough times, yet not feeling at all satisfied with the results, or lack thereof. We totally get it because we were there! And we know the way out.

But the question is… “Are you ready to finally arrive Home to your Truth?”

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We decided to start a free Facebook group: “Awakening from the Dark Night of the Soul.”

JOIN US: https://www.facebook.com/groups/awakenfromthedarknight/

Our intention with this group is to support you in shifting your perspectives around your Dark Night of the Soul so that you can move through this less-than-pleasant phase of your life as swiftly, gently, as with as much fun as possible, and finally reach the other side - where you feel available and ready to step into the world in they ways you’ve always known you could.

We hope you will join us in this group if you’re experiencing anything less than STOKED all the time. We are here to assist you!

We feel so humbled and honored to share this group and this space with all of you. Please share the link with friends & people you meet along the way that would benefit from this container.

We love you,

Hina & Callie

What others are saying:

“Looking back to my almost 30 years of seeking, I really feel this course has been the most effective one. No bullshit at all, every word said being relevant and essential, in the exact way I needed it. I feel that the two of you being so close and real to us, not some far away old gurus, was the cause of everything being so extremely relevant and clear. 

Now I really feel I don't need anything anymore, no seeking, no courses, no reading even, everything is here, is clear. I only need to practice. And this is the only thing I wish to spend time with. And to watch the amazing process of becoming!”
~ Magda G.

“This should be called the “No Bullshit Deep Dive!
It has provided me with so much clarity and helped me to cut through so much of the confusion of my spiritual path. Hina and Callie offer simple and effective tools which can be applied to anything and everything you may experience in your life.

I highly recommend this course to anybody who wishes to understand themselves and their life more deeply. Whether you want to dive into self realisation or just learn to live a happier and more fulfilling life, you will not regret exploring everything this course has to offer.”
~ Gary S.

“For anyone concerned about “spiritual bypassing”, this course can be a great adjunct and possibly a corrective to your chosen spiritual path.

Hina and Callie give very clear, beautifully articulated guidance on fully recognizing, accepting and releasing emotions while being guided by presence.

I was moved by the sharing of their experiences, which gave us all a great example of vulnerability, fearlessness and determination.”

~ Kathy K.

JOIN US: https://www.facebook.com/groups/awakenfromthedarknight/