Fuck the Mission

callie brick wall.jpg

One of the most challenging parts of my Dark Night of the Soul was KNOWING deep down that I was here on this planet for something BIG. Like something SOOOOO FUCKING BIG. 

Yet there was one problem.

I wasn’t doing jackshit.

I found myself having ZERO energy and ZERO motivation to do anything.

What the fuck was wrong with me???

The more I tried to create something, the worse I felt.

I felt I was going around in loops.
I felt exhausted.
I felt so alone.

The more I saw other people on social media actually doing something with their lives, the worse I felt.

How come everyone else seems to be aligned to their soul’s mission & here I am crying in bed all day?

Some people were telling me to just snap out of it, choose my highest frequency, and follow my highest excitement.

I couldn’t fucking do that. FUCK YOU with your empowerment, I wanted to scream. Empowerment felt like way too much fucking effort.

Others were telling me: “Oh but Callie, you have changed so many people’s lives! You are so inspiring! You make so many people laugh with your videos. Your dances light people up. You have taught and changed so many people’s lives around the world!”

I felt none of this mattered.
I felt no one understood me.
I felt so broken & hopeless.

Why did I have to have this fucking KNOWING that I was here for an even BIGGER mission???
Why couldn’t I just be normal, and be happy with the lives I had already touched?

I tried to ignore this inner calling… 
I tried to ignore this mission...
I tried to have normal relationships, a normal life… 

Yet all this did was left me more & more empty inside.

Not sure if anyone out there can relate to any of this… but if yes… I fucking feel you. And it sucks.

Now being on the other side…. I can tell you there IS a way out of this.

Finding ZERO fulfillment in this external world was the BIGGEST fucking gift I have ever received.

It fucking hurt like hell & I wouldn’t want to wish that pain on anyone… but it forced me to turn even deeper within myself.

Feeling I was here for something big was the bait… a hook to bring me draw me into the Truth of my being.

Hitting rock bottom forced me to pave a NEW way. 

I had to face my worst fears ~ that I would never accomplish what I came here to do. That I would die being a nothing & a nobody.

I had to learn how to feel so deeply. Not from my head, but from the depths of my heart.

I learned how to empty out.

Empty out so much so that all that was left was this peaceful silence.

Soaking in the simplicity of the presence of my existence.

This deep knowing that just merely my existence was enough.

I didn’t have to create anything. 
I didn’t have to do anything. 

There was no mission I had to be on.

Resting in this deep silence. This deep peace.

All the answers were there. They’ve always been there. There were finally no more questions.

From this space there is a Faith my body will move wherever it needs to. 

Such freedom.

There is no mission.
There is no need.
There is no lack.

I have never felt so whole. So complete. So at peace.

It is possible for you as well.

❤ 

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