What are the shoulds you are piling onto yourself?
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
“I should be more loving.”
“I should create something.”
“I should meditate more.”
The list goes on & on & on & on…
What I’ve noticed is that the mind LOVES to should on you every chance it gets!!!
Soooooo much judgment.
But when we start to peel apart these shoulds… it comes down to the basic fact that IT JUST AIN’T TRUE!!!!!
The most recent should that keeps creeping in on me is “YOU SHOULDN’T BE ANGRY!!!!”
Ok… that WOULD be nice… but it just ain’t true right now.
The truth is, is that I’m not only angry… but I am PISSED!!!! I have had some friggin crazy angry fire rise up in me this past week. Wanting to point my finger of blame at someone. I was SOOOOO PISSED OFF at how much they hurt me & how rude, inconsiderate, and downright bitchy & heartless they were.
And yeah… with decades of spiritual teachings & concepts piled onto me… I know, I know, I know… “I shouldn’t be angry.” It’s not good for my system. It’s all just a thought & not real… Hate just breeds more hate… Anger drops my frequency… My anger towards another person is just the anger I have towards myself. Blah blah blah. Well F&%* all that.
The simple truth is that I’m PISSED!!!!
Allowing that anger to be there, feeling it fully… giving it space to be felt, and even expressed has been so freeing!!!
If it’s here in existence… then it has already been accepted… otherwise it wouldn’t be here!
There must be some reason why it is here. And I don’t have to know or figure out why… it simply is just here.
Dropping every mental thought & concept around what I think i SHOULD feel, how I should behave… and instead to simply BE PRESENT with every single thing is arising… NO MATTER WHAT it is.
That has been true freedom.
Moment to moment… allowing all to arise. All to be felt.
If anger is here… I FEEL IT… I am aware of it… I watch it…
It arises & passes… it’s only the mind that is making it feel like it is going to be here forever… that it means something about ME. That I’m a bad person for feeling angry.
I allow myself to get super CURIOUS like a child. OOOOOH… anger is here! Let me explore this. Let me go deeper into this & see what lies underneath this…. not in a mental way but from a softening into the heart to feeeeeel.
For me, what I found as I explored my anger… was that I was really really REALLY hurt. I simply did NOT want to feel the pain that was hidden underneath my anger.
I also found that I had so much SHAME. I felt like I was an awful person for feeling the way that I did. I felt that something was wrong with me. Who would ever love me or want to be around someone who felt & thought like this?!?! I felt like I didn’t deserve to exist.
Whoa… some pretty heavy crap I found. What did I do with it???
I noticed it… I gave myself permission to feel that way… then I felt it in my body… what also REALLY helped was to SHARE it.
I’m not afraid of this anger & shame. It doesn’t define who I am. It has nothing to do with me at all!!!
This is something that can’t be mentally masturbated over… I see this SOOOOO MUCH in the spiritual community. So much bypassing with knowing concepts… but little do people know how much they are using these concepts to avoid getting really intimate with themselves because they are afraid to feel.
By writing this post publicly… it helps to DISTANCE myself from it.
When I keep it hidden inside & am afraid to tell someone else that it is there… I am identifying with it. I am holding it so close to me.
By sharing it with others… it also helps others see where they might be doing similar things… it helps them to loosen their tight grip on their own judgment, self criticism, guilt, shame, self sabotage, etc…
There’s that sense of relief… “I’m not the only crazy one?!?!?” “OMG!!! ME TOOO!!!!”
It builds connection, compassion…
Isn’t that what we truly want anyways?!?!
We are afraid to speak out loud these dark demons that lie within our mind for fear someone will judge us… for all we want is for them to love us.
But by being vulnerable, by sharing it… by saying this is how I feel… it opens the pathway to the heart & opens each other up for a deeper connection.
SHARE BELOW::: What are the shoulds & self judgments you are holding onto?!?! (remember just by sharing below, you are helping to start disidentifying with it!!!!)