It’s not our fault we don’t know how to feel.
And when I say feel, I’m not talking about feeling happy, excited, elated… those feelings are EASY to feel… Why? They feel GOOD, duh.
We humans like things that feel GOOD.
What I’m talking about is that we don’t know how to feel BAD.
For me, I noticed that anytime a “bad” feeling pops up… it’s like the 911 sirens go off… BEEEEEP BEEEEEEP!!! SURVIVAL!!! PROTECTION!!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!! NO NO NO NO!!! Don’t feel that!!!! DANGER ZONE DANGER ZONE DANGER ZONE!!!!
It feels like shit and so we want to run for the hills!!!
Or maybe we are feeling that shit so deeply, it already feels like hell… but since we don’t know how to truly feel it… it perpetuates and loops around in circles again & again & again.
What I’ve realized after 38 years of getting this WRONG… is that by not feeling the “bad” things fully… They are actually still in the undercurrents of everything I do
I’m actually living out my worst nightmare.
Those feelings of sadness, loneliness, anger, hurt, depression… are actually running (and “ruining”) my life. They are affecting my words, actions, beliefs, thoughts, etc…
Because I am not allowing myself to FEEL THEM… I am consciously or unconsciously pushing them away…. and we all have evidence that WHAT YOU RESIST, PERSISTS!!!
I might THINK I’m OK…
I might be really good at building the external world around me to look good, so I can feel good most of the time.
People probably look at me and think… Oh Callie! She is super happy & has it all together.
Well, a lot of people don’t know that I suffered from anxiety & depression for years. I even hit such a rock bottom at one point that I attempted suicide. (Luckily I sucked at that and failed 3 times!)
We think we have to be SUPER HAPPY all the time. We think we have to have it ALL TOGETHER.
A lot of people have been messaging me after my recent posts. One person asked, “But are you really OK???”
What does it even mean to be OK?!?
If your definition of OK means to be SUPER ELATED, STOKED EVERY MOMENT, LIVING A HIGH AS SHIT ON LIFE life… then no… I’m definitely not OK.
And I’m OK with that! ;-)
What my life seems to be like now… is I have this BRING IT ON kind of mindset. Whatever happens, whatever comes up…. BRING IT ON!!! This bring it on mindset is not in the super empowering way that it might come across as. There is also a softness, an openness… of… let me be so intimate & open & explore everything that comes my way.
Oh! Sadness is here?!?! Come here sadness… let me lean into and feel you.
Oh! Anger is raging?!?! Come here… let me let your fire burn me to see what I’m feeling underneath.
People get scared of people like me.
From the outside it could be easily labeled as BIPOLAR.
I might be elated and blissed out one moment erupting in laughter that could shake this planet… and then the very next moment I can go through feeling the darkest of the darks and be bawling my eyes out curled up in fetal position. Only to find me in the next moment totally at peace & calm.
Yet the perspective of how I see it now… is that this which was once one of the BIGGEST CHALLENGES in my life… my emotions, my ability to feel so deeply, of being super sensitive, is actually my SUPER HERO POWER!!!!
I’m finally shifting out of… WHAT THE F$&% IS WRONG WITH ME?!? and into… THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO FEEL ALL THINGS SO DEEPLY.
None of these feelings have anything to do with ME. They can never touch my essence… the core of who I am. That part that never changes. So why resist them? Why push them away? Why not embrace & love & accept EVERYTHING that arises???
Most people don’t realize HOW MUCH ARMOR & PROTECTION they have from feeling ALL things.
Yet this armor is stopping people from truly receiving what it is that they might be wanting most… intimacy, love & deep connection.
This armor & inability to really feel is especially prevalent with men. It ain’t your fault guys… we women are just wired differently.
Us women have built in moon cycles. We were BUILT to change. Always flowing, changing, emotions rising & falling…
Men are just not built for that. But luckily feeling is something that we all can LEARN how to do more of. And we can start to learn that it is not something we have to be scared of. We can re-wire our brains to see the correlation between feeling & deep intimacy and connection.
For SOOOOOO long us women (and emotional men) were looked at as if something is wrong with us. Society & others have tried to push that down, box it up, and shove it away.
But really it was just apart of them that was afraid to feel as deeply as we do.
And I get it… it can be scary.
It’s full of the UNKNOWN!
It’s CHANGING EVERY DAMN MOMENT!
You can’t grasp it.
You can’t pin it.
You can’t box it in.
If you try… watch out guys!!! The wild wild woman can UNLEASH and want to DESTROY ALL!!!!!!!
She is that powerful… especially when she awakens to the power within.
When you meet her with any form of suppression… she will meet you back with the polar opposite!
She’s not trying to break you down in a bad way. What if she was possibly breaking the armor down around your heart so you could feel & connect deeply in a whole new way?!?!
I used to HATE being a woman. I shaved my head, dressed like a guy, and hung out with guys.
Now I see that being a woman is my SUPER HERO POWER.
And I ain’t gonna box that shit in any more.
Who’s with me???