This past Saturday night my drink was drugged.
I never drink… but last Saturday after seeing Adyashanti, I decided to go out and have a drink.
Wow! What a stark contrast the club scene was…
While on the outskirts of the dance floor, some guys came up to chat with me. They were celebrating their friend’s graduation from grad school and offered me a drink.
They seemed nice… and it didn’t even cross my mind to not accept it. In fact, I remember feeling excited to get a free drink! Luckily I only took 2 sips, then handed it back to them.
When the club closed, they asked me to go to the next spot with them. Luckily, I said no.
I was feeling fine… but as soon as I got home, it hit me HARD. It felt as if I was going to die. My body started shivering so strongly. I felt horribly nauseous. I was so uncomfortable and crawled to the bathroom floor and just laid there in the fetal position.
I kept trying to calm myself down… trying to bring my awareness again and again to that part that never changes… but the mind kept trying to come back with it’s strong grips of fear & panic.
Luckily I had my phone, and messaged my friend in the Netherlands. She held me so beautifully and helped me to sit upright, breathe, focus & change my state… so as not to go down that rabbit hole of despair & panic.
I thought all of this was happening because I just was too sensitive & a lightweight with alcohol. Or maybe it was from that huge bag of pickle kettle chips I knew I shouldn’t have eaten before going out!
Yet when I went out with my Improv buddies tonight… they asked why I didn’t want to have a drink and I told them what happened.
They said it was clear as day that I had been drugged.
All the signs were there:
- It hits you fast & hard
- Severe naseau
- Feeling really dizzy & sick
- Vomiting & bad diarrhea
My friend asked me how I felt the next day. I said I felt fine… just tired from being up all night & all the emotions that ran through me. That was also a big indication that I had been drugged… If it was alcohol poisoning or just being drunk, I would have been dehydrated, had a headache, and other hangover symptoms.
THANK GOD I didn’t take more than those two sips. THANK GOD I didn’t go with those guys after the club…
This story could have ended in rape.
This story also could have ended in shame, guilt & self sabotage.
I could have easily been so angry at the guys… or at myself. I could have chosen to believe all the thoughts that were running through my head such as: “I should have listened to myself and stayed home and rested.” “Callie, you know you don’t do well with alcohol, you shouldn’t have drank.” “Why did you go from one extreme of Adyashanti to a club?!?! That was so stupid!!!” “Why are you letting yourself spin out emotionally ~ you should be able to find your center in ALL times.”
Yet instead I chose to see the perfection of why this happened.
It is helping me CHOOSE a new way.
To CHOOSE to stop self sabotaging myself with thoughts of shame, guilt, and being so damn hard on myself.
To CHOOSE instead to LOVE myself.
I’m not saying it was easy… I had to keep consciously choosing to hold myself & love myself as the mind tried to keep kicking up & spin me out.
I can also see the perfection of being completely wiped out physically… it helped me to really SLOW down to BE with myself. I allowed myself to break down & cry and FEEL all of the emotions that were underneath.
For the next two days, I CHOSE to stay in bed, get still and hold that inner child of mine. To give her space to feel. It is so easy to use spiritual concepts to avoid being human & feeling what is there.
It’s OK. I’m so safe. I’m so loved. I’m so here to hold myself.
Choosing to LOVE myself through all of this was the best choice I could have made.
I share this story to help bring light for others around drinks getting drugged. Please do NOT accept drinks from people you don’t know. It’s not worth it.
Also, please be aware of even your own drinks. My friend said her drink was drugged at a quaint local farm to table wine gathering. She bought her wine & had it with her the whole time. It must have been when she turned away that her drink was spiked. They also asked her to go out with them after, but luckily she too said no.
Who knows... maybe this happened so I could anchor in a deeper practice of daily self love & appreciation for life.
Maybe this happened so I could write this & help shed light around this topic.
Maybe this happened because one person is going to read this & they will bring more awareness with them when they go out ~ which could change the course of their life forever.
I don't know why this happened... and for me, it's not important to know.
I just Trust. <3