Goodbye Cookie Cutter... Let Your Unique Light Shine!

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I’M SICK OF TEACHERS & PEOPLE SOUNDING LIKE ROBOTS!!!

All sounding the same….

Doesn’t this bore anyone else?!?!?!

I kept saying… oh Callie… be nice… at least they are sharing.

Yet a deeper part of me knew it wanted to help people BREAK FREE from the molds & conditionings that sometimes they don’t even know are holding them back.

What if EVERYONE felt the FREEDOM to express & BE themselves?!?! Whatever & however that might want to look like?!?!

There would be such diversity… such varying expressions.

Some would be fiery… some would be gentle… some would be motherly… some would cut direct to the core… but at least you could FEEL their essence shining through… instead of that cold armored robot shell.

We all have this ability & KNOW in our hearts when someone is being themselves & when they are faking it.

What sparked this writing was when I clicked play on a workout video I was about to do… I got that cringey feeling… my eyes rolled back up into my head… UFFFF… here is yet another teacher going into robotic teacher mode. Everything feeling so scripted… the outfit, the tone of voice, the expressions, the moves… I just can’t stand it.

Then you have workout teachers like my brother, Dane. OK… I might be a bit biased… but HE SHINES… He is so damn unique. In the middle of teaching what could be a boring pilates class… he breaks out into song & dance… or will do a back flip right into the splits.

It’s been amazing watching him naturally come into his light brighter & brighter. I’m cheering him on along the way… the more he shines, the more it ripples out to his students.

Whenever I visit him in LA ~ I HAVE TO take one of his classes. The last time I went ~ one of his students came up to me and said that because of his classes she was able to finally get off her depression meds. You know why??? It wasn’t from him being the next cookie cutter pilates dance teacher. It was from him cutting free from the mold & BEING HIMSELF IN ALL HIS UNIQUE GLORY!!!

Yeah… it’s scary.

Some people are going to judge you and talk shit. Some people just LOVE complaining & putting others down so they can feel better about themselves.

My deep down secret dream is that Dane will bring his drag heels to class & design his own line of multi-colored spandex to wear as he teaches… I sure as hell know he would put both RuPaul AND Richard Simons to shame!!!

I’m all about EMPOWERING people to SHINE their own UNIQUE light… whatever & however that is for THEM.

Not giving a damn what others think… because when you DO WHAT YOU LOVE and you KNOW where you are coming from… NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

I want people to DO what makes them come alive.

Imagine what a different world this would be if everyone was living their PASSION & doing what they loved!!!

That in & of itself would create a HUGE RIPPLE effect out into the world.

Who is ready to step out of the robotic cookie cutter mold?!?!?

Let’s find a new way forward… where we CELEBRATE our differences… support & inspire one another to RISE UP & SHINE.

#inthistogether
#riseupandshine

oh yeah… and if you ever find yourself in LA ~ you have GOT to take one of Dane’s classes!!! It is bound to RISE YA UP whether you like it or not ;-)
IG: @trainwdane

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I'm Pissed...

OK… I’m pissed.

I’m going to share what is going on in my internal world as I process this real time. I’m going to give this energy a voice.

I’m going to share, because I do not hold onto any of this as ME. It is just thoughts and words that are floating around this trash pit of collective thinking… for so long I have associated these thoughts as a part of ME and therefore thought I was such a bad, judgmental person to have these… I’m feeling a pull to share this. So I will.

There is this BIG part of me that is PISSED at how people take everything I say & do… filter it through their own lens and then PROJECT IT ONTO ME.

I get it… in their little bubble of reality it is True. And I get it… it IS true in their little bubble of reality. They are probably unaware they are doing it, and are only trying to help me. But in another bubble it is SO FALSE and something wants to reflect this to possibly POP THEIR DAMN BUBBLE.

IN FACT, ALL OF THESE BUBBLES HAVE GOT TO POP in my opinion… if we as a humanity want to WAKE UP and unify.

One person private messaged me after one of my recent shares and starts telling me that she can see my root pattern that keeps looping for me, and that she has just the person who can HELP ME.

You know what I wanted to reply, but didn’t?!?!? F%$& you.

Don’t you dare try to FIX ME.
Don’t you dare project YOUR S$%& and storyline onto me.
Don’t you dare tell me that I am anything but whole & complete.

Instead, I just kept quiet.

Then today, I wake up and see someone else posted… “All I feel is a deep rest may come over you. All you have to do is exist. Thanks for sharing.”

AGAIN!!!! That SAME RAGE starts to bubble up… I find myself wanting to rip his head off.

How about taking what I read and applying this to YOU instead of projecting it onto me?!?!?
How about just meeting me in my feelings NOW?!?!
How about not telling me where I “may” end up, what I “have to do” & instead accepting me AND whatever is arising for me NOW?!?!?

SOOOOO MUCH RAGE IN MY CHEST.

SOOOOO much anger against men. Suppressing who I am… my voice…. my emotions…

Stop telling me I need to ground this in. 
Stop telling me that I need to deeply relax.
Stop telling me that I need to improve or change.

WHEN ARE WE AS A HUMANITY GOING TO WAKE UP AND STOP TRYING TO FIX EVERYONE ELSE?!?!

WHEN ARE WE GOING TO LEARN HOW TO MEET PEOPLE WHERE THEY ARE AT IN THEIR FEELINGS?!??!!?

Part of me wanted to hold back… Callie… this is your ego reacting… do NOT write back to these people.

Well… I’m sick of suppressing how I am feeling.

THAT feels like even MORE shit.

MAYBE this is here for something more than just me. 
Maybe not.

This dragon wants to be unleashed.

This is where I would normally STOP. I would suppress my emotions & not express what was coming up for me. I could see how they were being so innocent & kind ~ trying to help me out. I would take all of what they would say in… I would see where I needed to ground. I would see that I could drop it all & go into deep relaxation. I could see where yeah, maybe getting some help might help... I could see all of these perspectives as true. But these too are just spiritual concepts and ideas that we people keep mentally masturbating over… I shouldn't be this angry. I shouldn't feel this way. I should be more loving and understanding.

Well what if the most loving thing to do was to actually SPEAK UP & start reflecting what was being mirrored to me so we could all actually EVOLVE & DEEPEN!??!?!

Who cares if shit hits the fan at first… at least from there we can move forward. If I hold it all in… how is that actually helping me or this other person/ part of me???

So for now, I'm going to say F$%& all the spiritual concepts & shoulds. This is running through my mind & emotionally body right now.

And guess what?!??!

The next moment it will probably be COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

All of this will be gone. It will have meant NOTHING.

I can let go of all of this and keep living MOMENT to MOMENT to MOMENT.

Yet… people who are still HOLDING ONTO something here are probably are going to project an image of who they think I am and how they think I should be.

Well… I’m finally learning to let them.

It’s tiring to try and hold up some image of who I want to be. Can I just be free to be me in each moment, no matter what that looks like?!?!?

I’m also learning to meet them more where they are at.

Maybe THEY don’t know how to meet themselves deeply.
Maybe THEY don’t know how to feel & express what is there.
Maybe THEY feel some part of them needs to be a certain way and that they aren’t perfect, whole & complete as they are.

All I know is that I DON’T KNOW.

And in this not knowing… of feeling into what is here now… of expressing this all into the world moment to moment… there is such freedom.

It’s helping me release these parts of myself that I was judging or holding onto.

I am feeling into this TRASH of a mind that the collective is holding.

Sometimes I just let it go, and see it as that… a floating trashy thought… but today it pulled me to feel & SPEAK OUT.

Maybe these people who are so quick to judge & project will be able to stay open enough take it a reflection to learn & grow from.

Maybe not.

Maybe these parts within myself will get to see and let go of what they are still holding onto as they continue to deepen into the heart.

Maybe not.

Ya… It might be crazy to post this publicly.

But hey! It’s here in the moment… so I’m going to share it. I don’t know why.

Afraid to Receive Love

Holy crapola… I’m starting to realize HOW MUCH I have been unable and afraid to RECEIVE LOVE.

I’ve noticed within myself it’s been way easier to GIVE love & inspiration… rather than to soften into & open up to receive love.

I was so darn lucky to grow up in the most amazing loving family. All I ever heard were encouraging, loving, supportive messages of how amazing I was and how I could do anything I put my mind to. Yet even with that outpouring of constant consistent love, I noticed I was resistant to fully take it in.

Looking back, I’m noticing how uncomfortable I’ve been when people would reach out and let me know how much I impacted their life. I’d smile & say thanks… and go onto the next thing. A part of me deep inside would feel what they would say, yet another part of me was too afraid to go there & feel that fully.

Underneath it all, was this unconscious pit that I was unworthy. That I wasn’t good enough. I always found myself constantly comparing myself to others. I would see others shine, and then it would reflect upon the parts of me that were not shining. I would see others standing with such confidence and it would reflect all of my weaknesses & insecurities.

The biggest gift I gave myself was when I finally went into the depth of feeling that unworthiness. I got so tired of playing it out in so many aspects of my life… and from that exhaustion, complete giving up & letting go… it’s hard to describe it in words… but it gave me this depth of strength.

I touched a part of myself that I had forgotten.

This part of me that is so much more BEYOND any thoughts, worries, insecurities, fears… It’s almost as if I had played out and lived through my worst case scenarios & nightmares sooooo much… that I wasn’t afraid of them anymore.

BRING IT ALL ON. Come on insecurities… come on grief… come on depression… come on anxiety… come on despair… come on loneliness, rage, fear… BRING IT ON… I’m not afraid of feeling you anymore. And if I do get scared…. I FEEL THAT!

Space.

Peace.

Acceptance.

And not from TRYING to be peaceful or TRYING to accept… but from a complete giving up…

None of it can touch me.

I feel from this space… and from here I am now starting to allow love to come in.

So many have been reaching out expressing how much I had made an impact on their lives in the past… back then, I didn’t know how to take it in, because I didn’t feel good enough to accept it.

Now I let it in… and tears shed… my heart feels like it’s cracking open.

I’m not afraid anymore to let this love in and feel how HUGE it truly is.

The more I let it, the more it wants to circulate and give back.

Let it in… Feel it… Let it tear you down, crack you open & set you Free.

Feelings

It’s not our fault we don’t know how to feel.

And when I say feel, I’m not talking about feeling happy, excited, elated… those feelings are EASY to feel… Why? They feel GOOD, duh.

We humans like things that feel GOOD.

What I’m talking about is that we don’t know how to feel BAD.

For me, I noticed that anytime a “bad” feeling pops up… it’s like the 911 sirens go off… BEEEEEP BEEEEEEP!!! SURVIVAL!!! PROTECTION!!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!! NO NO NO NO!!! Don’t feel that!!!! DANGER ZONE DANGER ZONE DANGER ZONE!!!!

It feels like shit and so we want to run for the hills!!!

Or maybe we are feeling that shit so deeply, it already feels like hell… but since we don’t know how to truly feel it… it perpetuates and loops around in circles again & again & again.

What I’ve realized after 38 years of getting this WRONG… is that by not feeling the “bad” things fully… They are actually still in the undercurrents of everything I do

I’m actually living out my worst nightmare.

Those feelings of sadness, loneliness, anger, hurt, depression… are actually running (and “ruining”) my life. They are affecting my words, actions, beliefs, thoughts, etc…

Why???

Because I am not allowing myself to FEEL THEM… I am consciously or unconsciously pushing them away…. and we all have evidence that WHAT YOU RESIST, PERSISTS!!!


I might THINK I’m OK… 


I might be really good at building the external world around me to look good, so I can feel good most of the time.

People probably look at me and think… Oh Callie! She is super happy & has it all together.

Well, a lot of people don’t know that I suffered from anxiety & depression for years. I even hit such a rock bottom at one point that I attempted suicide. (Luckily I sucked at that and failed 3 times!) 

We think we have to be SUPER HAPPY all the time. We think we have to have it ALL TOGETHER.

A lot of people have been messaging me after my recent posts. One person asked, “But are you really OK???”

What does it even mean to be OK?!?

If your definition of OK means to be SUPER ELATED, STOKED EVERY MOMENT, LIVING A HIGH AS SHIT ON LIFE life… then no… I’m definitely not OK.

And I’m OK with that! ;-)

What my life seems to be like now… is I have this BRING IT ON kind of mindset. Whatever happens, whatever comes up…. BRING IT ON!!! This bring it on mindset is not in the super empowering way that it might come across as. There is also a softness, an openness… of… let me be so intimate & open & explore everything that comes my way.

Oh! Sadness is here?!?! Come here sadness… let me lean into and feel you.

Oh! Anger is raging?!?! Come here… let me let your fire burn me to see what I’m feeling underneath.

People get scared of people like me.

From the outside it could be easily labeled as BIPOLAR.

I might be elated and blissed out one moment erupting in laughter that could shake this planet… and then the very next moment I can go through feeling the darkest of the darks and be bawling my eyes out curled up in fetal position. Only to find me in the next moment totally at peace & calm. 

Yet the perspective of how I see it now… is that this which was once one of the BIGGEST CHALLENGES in my life… my emotions, my ability to feel so deeply, of being super sensitive, is actually my SUPER HERO POWER!!!!

I’m finally shifting out of… WHAT THE F$&% IS WRONG WITH ME?!?  and into… THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO FEEL ALL THINGS SO DEEPLY.

None of these feelings have anything to do with ME. They can never touch my essence… the core of who I am. That part that never changes. So why resist them? Why push them away? Why not embrace & love & accept EVERYTHING that arises???

Most people don’t realize HOW MUCH ARMOR & PROTECTION they have from feeling ALL things.

Yet this armor is stopping people from truly receiving what it is that they might be wanting most… intimacy, love & deep connection.

This armor & inability to really feel is especially prevalent with men.  It ain’t your fault guys… we women are just wired differently.

Us women have built in moon cycles. We were BUILT to change. Always flowing, changing, emotions rising & falling…

Men are just not built for that. But luckily feeling is something that we all can LEARN how to do more of. And we can start to learn that it is not something we have to be scared of. We can re-wire our brains to see the correlation between feeling & deep intimacy and connection.

For SOOOOOO long us women (and emotional men) were looked at  as if something is wrong with us. Society & others have tried to push that down, box it up, and shove it away.

But really it was just apart of them that was afraid to feel as deeply as we do.

And I get it… it can be scary.

It’s WILD!

It’s MYSTERIOUS!

It’s full of the UNKNOWN!

It’s CHANGING EVERY DAMN MOMENT!

You can’t grasp it.

You can’t pin it.

You can’t box it in.

If you try… watch out guys!!! The wild wild woman can UNLEASH and want to DESTROY ALL!!!!!!!

She is that powerful… especially when she awakens to the power within.

When you meet her with any form of suppression… she will meet you back with the polar opposite!

She’s not trying to break you down in a bad way. What if she was possibly breaking the armor down around your heart so you could feel & connect deeply in a whole new way?!?!

WOW. 

I used to HATE being a woman. I shaved my head, dressed like a guy, and hung out with guys.


Now I see that being a woman is my SUPER HERO POWER.

And I ain’t gonna box that shit in any more.


Who’s with me???

Stop Shouldin’ on Yourself!!!

What are the shoulds you are piling onto yourself?

“I shouldn’t feel this way.”

“I should be more loving.”

“I should create something.”

“I should meditate more.”

The list goes on & on & on & on…


What I’ve noticed is that the mind LOVES to should on you every chance it gets!!!

Soooooo much judgment.

But when we start to peel apart these shoulds… it comes down to the basic fact that IT JUST AIN’T TRUE!!!!!

The most recent should that keeps creeping in on me is “YOU SHOULDN’T BE ANGRY!!!!”

Ok… that WOULD be nice… but it just ain’t true right now.

The truth is, is that I’m not only angry… but I am PISSED!!!! I have had some friggin crazy angry fire rise up in me this past week. Wanting to point my finger of blame at someone. I was SOOOOO PISSED OFF at how much they hurt me & how rude, inconsiderate, and downright bitchy & heartless they were.

And yeah… with decades of spiritual teachings & concepts piled onto me… I know, I know, I know… “I shouldn’t be angry.” It’s not good for my system. It’s all just a thought & not real… Hate just breeds more hate… Anger drops my frequency… My anger towards another person is just the anger I have towards myself. Blah blah blah. Well F&%* all that.

The simple truth is that I’m PISSED!!!!

Allowing that anger to be there, feeling it fully… giving it space to be felt, and even expressed has been so freeing!!!

If it’s here in existence… then it has already been accepted… otherwise it wouldn’t be here!

There must be some reason why it is here. And I don’t have to know or figure out why… it simply is just here.

Dropping every mental thought & concept around what I think i SHOULD feel, how I should behave… and instead to simply BE PRESENT with every single thing is arising… NO MATTER WHAT it is.

That has been true freedom.

Moment to moment… allowing all to arise. All to be felt.

If anger is here… I FEEL IT… I am aware of it… I watch it…

It arises & passes… it’s only the mind that is making it feel like it is going to be here forever… that it means something about ME. That I’m a bad person for feeling angry.

I allow myself to get super CURIOUS like a child. OOOOOH… anger is here! Let me explore this. Let me go deeper into this & see what lies underneath this…. not in a mental way but from a softening into the heart to feeeeeel.

For me, what I found as I explored my anger… was that I was really really REALLY hurt. I simply did NOT want to feel the pain that was hidden underneath my anger.

I also found that I had so much SHAME. I felt like I was an awful person for feeling the way that I did. I felt that something was wrong with me. Who would ever love me or want to be around someone who felt & thought like this?!?! I felt like I didn’t deserve to exist. 

Whoa… some pretty heavy crap I found. What did I do with it??? 

I noticed it… I gave myself permission to feel that way… then I felt it in my body… what also REALLY helped was to SHARE it.

I’m not afraid of this anger & shame. It doesn’t define who I am. It has nothing to do with me at all!!!

This is something that can’t be mentally masturbated over… I see this SOOOOO MUCH in the spiritual community. So much bypassing with knowing concepts… but little do people know how much they are using these concepts to avoid getting really intimate with themselves because they are afraid to feel.

By writing this post publicly… it helps to DISTANCE myself from it.

When I keep it hidden inside & am afraid to tell someone else that it is there… I am identifying with it. I am holding it so close to me.

By sharing it with others… it also helps others see where they might be doing similar things… it helps them to loosen their tight grip on their own judgment, self criticism, guilt, shame, self sabotage, etc…

There’s that sense of relief… “I’m not the only crazy one?!?!?” “OMG!!! ME TOOO!!!!”

It builds connection, compassion… 

Isn’t that what we truly want anyways?!?!

We are afraid to speak out loud these dark demons that lie within our mind for fear someone will judge us… for all we want is for them to love us.

But by being vulnerable, by sharing it… by saying this is how I feel… it opens the pathway to the heart & opens each other up for a deeper connection.

SHARE BELOW::: What are the shoulds & self judgments you are holding onto?!?!  (remember just by sharing below, you are helping to start disidentifying with it!!!!)

From Crashing Down to Change

It’s funny how we humans work.

It’s almost like we are programed to do the exact OPPOSITE of what we really want. And what could be the path of least resistance is the very thing we are using all of our energy to PUSH AWAY!!!

It’s funny how we humans are STILL running this SURVIVAL mode… even though most of the lions, tigers & bears are behind safe bars at our local zoo.

We strive to be so safe that we have created COMFORT all around us to ensure that we will NOT DIE or get hurt. 

We have our safe routines. We have our safe friends. We have our safe hobbies. We have our safe conversations. We have our safe hiding places. 

Our brains are literally still WIRED to stay alive… to survive. We know all of the right knee pads, elbow pads, and helmets to wear when we venture out into that wild wild world.

Yet do we truly deep down realize how NOT OK WE ARE WITH OUR LIVES?!?!?!?!

We get so comfortable with our day to day routines & the daily grind… that it is SOOOOOO easy to get tunnel vision and miss out on the BIGGER VISION and deeper desires that are in our hearts waiting to come out!!!

Just last week, my whole life in any other human’s terms came CRASHING DOWN.

I had spent the past year building up this super cushy safe life… or so I thought.

I found a business partner who felt the same. We became best buds, moved in together. We had HUGE GOALS and visions of creating this high ticket online program that could change so many people’s lives. We were even able to live out of her parents’ mansion so we could focus on launching the program that would promise us financial FREEDOM!!!

Welllllll…. I did not expect to wake up one morning last week and LOSE it all.

  1. My home

  2. My business partner / friend

  3. The project I had spend the last year building

  4. All hopes and dreams of that elusive financial freedom


YUP. In one moment it all came crashing down.

The details aren’t important. All that matters is that IT HAPPENED.

And that so called COMFORT was ripped out from under me.

I was left without any knee pads, elbow pads or helmets… scarred, bloody & bruised… as my ass was kicked to the curb. 

I had NO IDEA where to go, where to stay, or what the hell to do with my life. Not to mention the money in my savings account that had been quickly dwindling.

I could have cried for hours and days and weeks and months and years about how I lost it all. I could have spent eons pondering what I did wrong. “Only if…”  “I should have…” “Look at all the red flags I ignored…”

Instead… I gave myself permission to MOVE FORWARD. I anchored into the KNOWING that all is happening for the BEST. There was some bigger picture that I could not see… YET.

I remembered all the past times in my life that were similar to this ~ where it seemed like my life was falling apart. 

Like the time when I was in the Peace Corps in Africa, and had received the news that I had the beginning stages of cancer. Yet, instead of it being the end of my life, I learned how to heal myself through meditation & opening up to this whole new world within!!! It definitely was not the END but a brand new BEGINNING.

Remembering all these past “catastrophic” experiences in my own life, helped me to really anchor into:

EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAS WORKED OUT FOR THE BEST…. even when everything seems to be going so so so wrong.

And it seemed that the more extreme it was… or the more that I, in my little mind thought… THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER… normally turned into “HOLY SH&*!!!! THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED!!!!!”

So I knew deep down… there was something EVEN MORE AMAZING around the corner.


CHANGE CHANGE CHANGE.

SHAKING THINGS UP.

RADICAL HONESTY.

Now when I look back to that moment last week where I thought my entire life was taken away from me… where it could have been easy to feel like a victim and point fingers of blame…

When I got REALLY REALLY RADICALLY HONEST…. underneath all the shock, pain, hurt, and shame... I realized that I actually DID NOT WANT any of that life!!!

I had actually CREATED this to happen.

I did not want to be working with that business partner.

I did not want to be living out of her parent’s house.

I did not want to be creating that online program around that topic.

I only THOUGHT that I did. 

It was “easy”

It was “comfortable”

It was what was “right in front of me”

I was pretending that I was having fun & enjoying myself.

And yeah… a part of me was enjoying it, otherwise it wouldn’t have happened. It WAS perfect for me at that time. I learned SOOOOOO much. So much about what I don’t want. So much about what I don’t want to settle for in my life. So much about diving deeper into my own heart & trusting myself.

It’s like almost any breakup.

You forget sometimes how much you lose yourself.

I had lost my ZEST for life.

I had lost my FUN WILD side.

I had lost my ongoing sharings with people that used to bring me ALIVE.

I had stopped DANCING.

I had started accepting OK as my standard.

I had lost that deep connection with my own Self.


Sometimes we gotta lose everything, in order to realize what we have always had!!!!!

OK…. it was time to SHAKE IT UP.

I allowed myself to cry those tears of mourning & loss… the end of that chapter. I didn’t try to just snap myself out of it. Feeling those tears & that pain to the depth was sooooo important to my process. It truly feels like it was a cleansing & clearing of my old patterns of unworthiness, shame, guilt, loneliness, perfectionism, fear, survival… you name it… I felt it.

From going in and giving myself that SPACE to feel so deeply… I was actually left with SPACE. With this inner space & silence.

There was peace.

From that space I found myself messaging people ~ some of who I hadn’t talked to in ages.

And yeah… to be honest, peace did not prevail 24/7… the mind kept trying to come back in… kicking & screaming… trying to blame and point fingers… trying to spiral me down… Your almost 40 years old… Why the F&*% haven’t you got your life figured out by now?!??! How many times do you have to waste it all away?!?!?

Luckily I have practiced & learned how to distance myself from that crazy mind again & again & again.

I made a pact with myself that I would not move forward from a place of fear & survival. Instead, I would feel these underlying emotions that would rip through… as I would focus again & again on the silent presence that was always there underneath it all.

I packed up my car with my entire life inside of it… and the moment I turned the key in the ignition, unsure of where I was heading next, I received a message.

A dear friend who helped me through some of the darkest of times in my life, had just bought a house in Sacramento, California. She messaged me offering me to move in!

My whole being lit up… and I started to receive glimpses of HOW PERFECT this all was.

Starting at ground zero (yet again) has allowed me to start building my life up again. From scratch.

I’ve started to get RADICALLY HONEST about everything.

Where in my life am I not happy???

What is it that I truly want???

What is truly important to me?

What brings me ALIVE???

What impact do I want to be leaving?

Where am I not being transparent & vulnerably, radically honest with myself???

How can I shift my perspectives???

What can I do now to change???

Who is it that I want to have close to me in my life???


I am seeing how I have not been transparent & honest with myself & with others. Fear for shaking shit up.

Not realizing that SHAKING SHIT UP is the very thing that was needed to bring BOTH of us to exactly where life was bringing us.

Everything is unfolding PERFECTLY.

So my new life in Sacramento has begun.

It’s been one week since I moved.

I found a pole dancing studio & started to dance!

I am finally getting radically honest in my communication & it has been opening up so many new connections and healing for myself.

I am allowing myself to feel deeper than ever before, and using it as a catalyst for my creations.

New collaborations are forming from a whole new place.

A feeling of inspiration of sharing for the sheer joy of sharing is arising.

I am having so much fun creating HUGE visions and innovative programs to create massive impact.

I’ve got nothing to hide.

Who’s ready to break out of their comfort zone… ready to start asking the deeper questions… ready to create CHANGE… ready to break out of their survival mindsets so they can start truly LIVING & creating?!?!? 

Let’s do this…

Lessons Learned from Dogs

Lessons from Dogs ❤️

1. Stop taking life so seriously... get out there!!! MOVE & play!!!!

2. Chill the fuck out & get still

Let’s dig in a bit more....

1. Move that body!!!

I highly doubt any of you who are watching this were born to live a life of a lazy couch bum or the life of a meditative monk. So get up... move that body. Shake things up... get out of your routine & find something new to do. Power walk, run, learn jiu jitsu or pole dancing, jump or dance around... whatever it is!!! Moving your body will help move your energy. And PLAY damnit!!! Why take life so seriously?!?!

2. Stop moving that body!!!

I also highly doubt many people are able to truly get sooooo still & silent. Even those who meditate for hours... most are so active in their mind or using some technique to try and still the mind. Can you drop everything - all techniques, all distractions, all thoughts and rest into the space... the silence... again & again & again in every single moment??? The mind won’t like it!!! You’ll finally have to face whatever was underneath & suppressed.

Maybe try out the one you are currently not doing! If you meditate a lot... get out and mooooove. If you’re the type that’s constantly busy... can you carve out time to get still?

Hina & I are here to support you! It can be scary to face what comes up when you get so still or when you start shaking things up:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/awakenfromthedarknight

You are so safe. You are so loved.

Let’s dooooo this... so we can play with such a lightheartedness like dogs ❤️

Who are you letting hold you back from fully expressing yourself?

Let’s take an honest look at how you’re holding back your expression because underneath you’re afraid of what someone else is gonna think.

I even found myself at 38 years old thinking twice before I post something because I’m afraid my family will see it.

I mean come on, why would you blame me?!? I spent 38 years unconsciously building up this nice girl appearance because I wanted to receive love. 

Well that’s a whole lotta BS. And in my opinion so completely and utterly selfish!!!!! By you dimming your bright ass awesome light... you’re actually preventing your huge heart’s kick ass message reaching millions of people!!!!!!

Fuck that.

So look within instead of just laughing at my videos or seeing how others are doing what I’m pointing to.

Comment below... WHO in your life are YOU still fearful of seeing you if you were to share ALL of you?!?! (Or are you too afraid to name them because they might see this?!?)

Is it your boss? Colleagues? Spiritual teacher? Ex partner? Current lover? Mommy? Daddy? Family members? Kids???

I bet you have a long ass list as to why you can’t share because of them. Fuck that list. Are you ready to burn it & start living a life for YOU???

If yes, what’s the first step you’re gonna take?

Share below. This is good shit here. 
Unless you just binge read this like everything else and never apply it.

The Choice is yours.

At least now you can’t hide and pretend you don’t know anymore.

I love you that much. ❤️


WTF is Presence?!?


I always thought I knew what presence was.

I mean, come on now, I had sat through fourteen Vipassana 10 day silent meditation retreats. I lived in a monastery in Nepal, and various ashrams in India. I’ve probably watched 1,000+ hours of YouTube videos from all the Spiritual Masters. I’ve spent $1,000’s of dollars on retreats, workshops, etc… and have studied under just about every spiritual teacher under the sun: Mooji, Ramana Maharishi, Sadhguru, Amma Bhagavan, Bentinho Massaro, Eckhardt Tolle, Byron Katie…

They were all pointing to the same damn thing. This thing called presence.

I thought I knew what they were talking about. “It’s so simple…” “Just Be.”

But I was fucking kidding myself.

After YEARS of being a spiritual teacher myself I had to admit that I had NO FUCKING IDEA what presence was, and that I was actually still in suffering myself. From there came this breaking down… a humility.

Only then was there this opening… to FINALLY get out of the mind’s fucking tight ass grip & mental containers.

Hina & I went live in our Awakening from the Dark Night group to speak about this missing link.

To support people who are ready to finally sense through their own DIRECT experience this silence… this presence.

Once you really rest in this space… it’s GAME OVER. <3

JOIN US: http://bit.ly/2P8cdl2